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1. Turn off the television for a while. It is tempting to camp in front of the
television, because we are hungry for news and answers. Avoid having the television news on in front
of young children today and tomorrow, but get your news quietly online.
2. Acknowledge
the events with children. Allow them to talk about the events. They probably don’t want information about
what happened, but rather to be comforted that they are safe. After a disaster in the news, a child wants
to know, "Will my house be bombed,” or “will a hurricane hit my house,” or
“will someone shot guns in MY school.” Children
tend to personalize events that happen on the world stage. Explain how you've always been there to care
for your child and how he has always been safe. Confirm that you will help him stay safe in
the future.
3. Continue routines. So much of a child's sense of safety and security comes from daily
rituals and routine. Let the children eat lunch at the normal time. They need
their usual afternoon nap. Let them go to their sporting events.
4. Respect your child's interest in the event. Your
child might not want to talk about the event today. Next week it might be different. Look carefully for nonverbal clues; listen intently
to what the child says. Follow the child’s lead. If your child asks, "What happened at
that school," that is an indication the child wants to know and is ready
to talk about it. “Someone went into the
building and shot some people,” may be all that is needed. The child probably does not need a 10 minute
discussion with a lot of details.
5. Include the event in
evening prayers. Ask that God would keep
all children safe, “especially us and our friends.” (Remember, children are focused on themselves
most, and a prayer for others may also include a prayer for us).
Children respond to traumatic
events in many different ways. A child might have a reaction very soon after an
event. Others may seem fine for weeks or
even months. Parents should be aware of
knowing the signs that are common at different ages. This can help the family to recognize
problems and respond appropriately.
Preschool Age
Children from age 1 to 5 find it
particularly hard to adjust to change and loss. These children have not yet
developed their own coping skills, so they must depend on parents, family
members, and teachers to help them through difficult times. At this age, the child may regress to an earlier
behavioral stage. Preschoolers may resume
thumb sucking or bedwetting. The child
might become afraid of strangers, animals, darkness, or imaginary “monsters.” The
child might become physically clingy, holding tight to a parent or teach or
even a place. Changes in eating and sleeping habits are common, as are physical
aches and pains. Parents may also see in
the child being disobedient or hyperactive.
The child may show behavior that is aggressive or withdrawn. Preschoolers may tell exaggerated stories
about the traumatic event or may speak of it over and over.
Early Childhood
Children age 5 to 11 may have
some of the same reactions as younger children. They may also withdraw from friends. They may not be interested in their usual
play groups. They may compete more for
the attention of parents. Fear going to
school is not uncommon after a traumatic incident, so a parent might especially
anticipate this type of behavior after a school shooting in the news. The child
may find it hard to concentrate. These children may also return to more
childish behaviors, such as asking to be fed or dressed.
Adolescence
Children age 12 to 14 are likely to
have vague physical complaints. They may
ignore their usual chores or school work.
A child might compete vigorously for attention from parents and teachers,
or they may also withdraw, resist authority, become disruptive at home or in
the classroom, or even begin to experiment with
high-risk behaviors such as alcohol
or drug use.
How to Help
Reassure your child.
Very young children need a lot of cuddling, as well as verbal support.
Answer questions about the event honestly, but without a lot of scary details.
Encourage children of all ages to express emotions through conversation, drawing, or painting and to find a way to help others who were affected by the disaster.
Try to maintain a normal routine
Temporarily reduce your expectations about performance in school or at home.
Acknowledge that you too may have reactions.
